Since realizing that my depression was not just a once-a-month feeling, that it was actually something serious, I have been more aware of the thoughts inside my head. They can scare me sometimes.
Like today. I had a great time with friends at a sleepover. Lot's of laughing and good talks, so of course we stayed up late. I was in the middle of making my bed after they left and I layed down. The want to do something that I knew was wrong came into my head. I so badly felt like I needed to do it. But the longer I layed there, the more I felt God's hand on my back telling me not to. It was as if He said to just go to sleep and you won't feel guilty for doing something I knew was wrong.
When I woke up I heard the music playing that I left on before my nap. It made me start thinking about losing one of my friends, or hurting myself. All of a sudden I felt like I needed to self-harm. I have never had the feeling to do so before. I looked up, around my room to see what I might use and then remembered the pair os scissors in my dresser drawer.
I knew I shouldn't do it, but I felt the urge. I sat on the side of my bed and looked at the dresser. Once again God told me no. I am still safe.
Today God helped me to overcome a scary moment in my life. Never would I thought I would want to self harm. But because of His miraculous love for me, He overcame the thoughts of the devil for me. I can't be more thankful!
Look to the Lord, for His mercy endures forever!
Melody :)
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Friday, January 29, 2016
Surround Yourself
Most of us have our best friends in life. The one who we hang out with at school all the time, have sleep-overs with, or basically live at each others houses.
If you have someone like that in your life, you are truly blessed! As Christians, we need to be around others who share that same love for Christ as we do. Christ should be the center of everything, not just at youth group or church. Christ should be your entire life. Jesus gave His life, so the least we can do is to make our lives about serving others which in turn serves Him.
We need to be around those who encourage us in our faith. Who pray for us, and acknowledge the Word as God's word and follow it.
In Philippians 4:8, it says: Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is pure, lovely or honorable, think on these things.
Surrounding ourselves with people who don't live according to God's word won't help us think of lovely and pure things. Newsflash! This world is full of sin and we need to try our hardest to remember who the real Guy in charge is.
God knows what is best for us. His ways are honorable, true and right. We need to be with people who are trying just as hard to think on the truth of God's word.
Now don't go judging everyone who isn't a believer, nor completely ignore them. Make them a mission. Be a witness to them and show them the love of Christ, after all, that is why we are here!
Melody:)
If you have someone like that in your life, you are truly blessed! As Christians, we need to be around others who share that same love for Christ as we do. Christ should be the center of everything, not just at youth group or church. Christ should be your entire life. Jesus gave His life, so the least we can do is to make our lives about serving others which in turn serves Him.
We need to be around those who encourage us in our faith. Who pray for us, and acknowledge the Word as God's word and follow it.
In Philippians 4:8, it says: Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is pure, lovely or honorable, think on these things.
Surrounding ourselves with people who don't live according to God's word won't help us think of lovely and pure things. Newsflash! This world is full of sin and we need to try our hardest to remember who the real Guy in charge is.
God knows what is best for us. His ways are honorable, true and right. We need to be with people who are trying just as hard to think on the truth of God's word.
Now don't go judging everyone who isn't a believer, nor completely ignore them. Make them a mission. Be a witness to them and show them the love of Christ, after all, that is why we are here!
Melody:)
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
As Far As the East is From the West
Being someone who struggles a lot with guilt, it's hard to think of God as being a God who throws sins out the window and loves us still the same.
The fact of the matter is, He does. Christ so desperately wants us to know the strength of His love. He wants His people to have a foretaste of the feast to come I guess you could say. He doesn't want us to miss out on the opportunity of knowing that He, our God cares about us so much He knows the amount of hair on our head.
In Psalm 103:12 it says: "As far from the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us." God doesn't see the sinner in us a much as we might think. He sees His child in need of love, forgiveness and a never-failing Father.
Now don't go and sin as much as you want because Christ does forgive us. Forgiveness comes with repentance. We need to repent of our sins on the daily. When we act against Christ knowingly, with out feeling sorry, God's heart breaks into a thousand pieces. Think of it as your own child, whom you deeply love and want the best for, rebelling against you. The worst part, they know it and they still choose to.
Christ loves, cares and forgives His children everyday, even before you ask for it. So proclaim proudly the grace, forgiveness and salvation found in YOUR God today!
In His Love,
Melody :)
The fact of the matter is, He does. Christ so desperately wants us to know the strength of His love. He wants His people to have a foretaste of the feast to come I guess you could say. He doesn't want us to miss out on the opportunity of knowing that He, our God cares about us so much He knows the amount of hair on our head.
In Psalm 103:12 it says: "As far from the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us." God doesn't see the sinner in us a much as we might think. He sees His child in need of love, forgiveness and a never-failing Father.
Now don't go and sin as much as you want because Christ does forgive us. Forgiveness comes with repentance. We need to repent of our sins on the daily. When we act against Christ knowingly, with out feeling sorry, God's heart breaks into a thousand pieces. Think of it as your own child, whom you deeply love and want the best for, rebelling against you. The worst part, they know it and they still choose to.
Christ loves, cares and forgives His children everyday, even before you ask for it. So proclaim proudly the grace, forgiveness and salvation found in YOUR God today!
In His Love,
Melody :)
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Inside Beauty = Outer Beauty
A lot of people deal with low self-esteem or low confidence.It's easy when the world has these unreal expectations.
But we are God's children! We are only in the world, not a part of it. So how does this help us with our confidence in our looks or personally? A lot actually.
When we shine as a light of Jesus, people see that. You know what? It's a beautiful thing to see. Jesus is the definition of love. He gave up His perfect self for us because He loves us.
God wants us to "be" Him here on earth, so that means to love and forgive unconditionally, be selfless and use our gifts for His glory.
When we behave "like" Jesus (as much as we as sinful people can), that is true beauty because God is the appidemy of beauty.
Actions reflect who a person is, and if they are beautiful on the inside, they are most especially beautiful on the outside!
Remember Who made you beautiful!
Melody :)
But we are God's children! We are only in the world, not a part of it. So how does this help us with our confidence in our looks or personally? A lot actually.
When we shine as a light of Jesus, people see that. You know what? It's a beautiful thing to see. Jesus is the definition of love. He gave up His perfect self for us because He loves us.
God wants us to "be" Him here on earth, so that means to love and forgive unconditionally, be selfless and use our gifts for His glory.
When we behave "like" Jesus (as much as we as sinful people can), that is true beauty because God is the appidemy of beauty.
Actions reflect who a person is, and if they are beautiful on the inside, they are most especially beautiful on the outside!
Remember Who made you beautiful!
Melody :)
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Not On My Own
So I am going to share something that, to be really honest, I am scared to. I don't want to sound desperate for attention and the reason I don't/ haven't talked about it is because I felt like that's the reason I told myself that I had it. But no matter what other people say, I know the Lord is here for me as well as my family and that is all that matters.
I have depression. It's not really bad, but I have recently had thoughts of suicide. It scared me a lot. I didn't think It really mattered because I didn't think I had depression. Like I said, I didn't want to be sorry for myself.
Nothing in my life has gone really bad. I haven't lost a friend or been raped or anything like that. Like i have mentioned in my other posts, I know it's the devil telling me lies. He has been telling me that when life seems to be too overwhelming, that I have to handle it all by myself.
That's the problem. I can't and God knows that. I need to lay my burdens and my sad news and stress at His feet. That is way He came to earth. He wants it all.
I don't know what you are going through right now. But you are not alone. Even if you feel like there is no one on earth there for you, you must remember there is a God you loves you and wants to take all that off your shoulders. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Don't do it! I can't say that enough. Ending your life is NOT THE ANSWER. Your life is not your to take.
I know that I am repeating a lot of what I have said in others posts, but I don't want any of you to forget. Also I would like to say that I am not making this blog into one about depression. I don't think that is what God has called me to do, though it will come up more often. If you would like a blog that talks about dealing with depression in a Godly way, I recommend my friends blog: http://depressedbutblessed.blogspot.com This blog is truly amazing!
Blessings to you and know that God is our strength!
Melody :)
I have depression. It's not really bad, but I have recently had thoughts of suicide. It scared me a lot. I didn't think It really mattered because I didn't think I had depression. Like I said, I didn't want to be sorry for myself.
Nothing in my life has gone really bad. I haven't lost a friend or been raped or anything like that. Like i have mentioned in my other posts, I know it's the devil telling me lies. He has been telling me that when life seems to be too overwhelming, that I have to handle it all by myself.
That's the problem. I can't and God knows that. I need to lay my burdens and my sad news and stress at His feet. That is way He came to earth. He wants it all.
I don't know what you are going through right now. But you are not alone. Even if you feel like there is no one on earth there for you, you must remember there is a God you loves you and wants to take all that off your shoulders. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Don't do it! I can't say that enough. Ending your life is NOT THE ANSWER. Your life is not your to take.
I know that I am repeating a lot of what I have said in others posts, but I don't want any of you to forget. Also I would like to say that I am not making this blog into one about depression. I don't think that is what God has called me to do, though it will come up more often. If you would like a blog that talks about dealing with depression in a Godly way, I recommend my friends blog: http://depressedbutblessed.blogspot.com This blog is truly amazing!
Blessings to you and know that God is our strength!
Melody :)
Monday, January 18, 2016
Thankful Everyday
I seem to look over blessings a lot. I let the bad things get to me. Those are the things I seem to remember from a day.
To be real, life sucks when I dwell on the things that go wrong. But these last few days have been some of the best I have had in a while. It's been spent with family and close friends. I haven't laughed this much in a long time (or eaten that much too).
It's been so nice to really see God showing blessing upon blessing to me after a stressful first week back to school.
So I have a challenge for you. For two weeks write down at lease three things you are thankful for from that day of the day before ( depending on when you write). You can start a journal for them or you can comment on them in the new tab I will make for this challenge. If you continue after the two weeks are over, you are still completely welcome to continue writing them in that tab.
Write anything from that day. That fact that you can see and wake up in the morning are blessings right there! Noticing blessings throughout that day helps us to choose joy (my motto) and helps us to see Jesus in our lives, right next to us.
Love, Melody :)
To be real, life sucks when I dwell on the things that go wrong. But these last few days have been some of the best I have had in a while. It's been spent with family and close friends. I haven't laughed this much in a long time (or eaten that much too).
It's been so nice to really see God showing blessing upon blessing to me after a stressful first week back to school.
So I have a challenge for you. For two weeks write down at lease three things you are thankful for from that day of the day before ( depending on when you write). You can start a journal for them or you can comment on them in the new tab I will make for this challenge. If you continue after the two weeks are over, you are still completely welcome to continue writing them in that tab.
Write anything from that day. That fact that you can see and wake up in the morning are blessings right there! Noticing blessings throughout that day helps us to choose joy (my motto) and helps us to see Jesus in our lives, right next to us.
Love, Melody :)
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Relax
During this week I have had Winterim at my school. It's a week of focusing one one subject for the whole week. I am in Zumba and Yoga. We have time to work out hard and get ripped! ( haha not really) and also to rest and focus on God's Word. It's been really nice to have a little more down time this week despite not feeling 100%, but I have also never felt better. Working out and taking some time to just stop and dwell on the important things, God new exactly what I wanted and needed!
It seems like it's been a week of that:noticing how God is really present in my life. I see Him working and answering prayer more then ever and it gives me so much peace and comfort.
At my school, I have a few friends that deal with mental illness and depression. It seems like a big problem in our school as I bet with many others. We regularly have people come to speak and lead chapel at school, and my friends and I really wanted someone to talk about how to deal with and get through depression in a Godly way. Well the NEXT day that prayer was answered! We had a woman named Kristen Anderson speak to our school for an hour. She had delt with serious depression after being raped and the loss of four of her closet friends. After losing both her legs to attempted suicide, she gave her life fully to Christ. So much of what she talked about related to me. Some of it scared me, and some of it comforted me and reminded me that I wasn't alone. God was really listening to my needs this week, as always. Sometimes I just don't see it.
I do deal with the days when I wonder if God is really paying attention to me, considering all that is going on in the world: shootings, fires, unorganized and unstable government, wars. Why would God pay any attention to small, insignificant me? Well the fact of the matter is He does. He cares about me just as much as the rest of the world including you. I read this Psalm today and is really gave me comfort and reminded me that God has everything under control. He provides and protects me and you everyday!
God's blessings and peace to you!
Kristen Anderson's book: Life, in Spite of Me
It seems like it's been a week of that:noticing how God is really present in my life. I see Him working and answering prayer more then ever and it gives me so much peace and comfort.
At my school, I have a few friends that deal with mental illness and depression. It seems like a big problem in our school as I bet with many others. We regularly have people come to speak and lead chapel at school, and my friends and I really wanted someone to talk about how to deal with and get through depression in a Godly way. Well the NEXT day that prayer was answered! We had a woman named Kristen Anderson speak to our school for an hour. She had delt with serious depression after being raped and the loss of four of her closet friends. After losing both her legs to attempted suicide, she gave her life fully to Christ. So much of what she talked about related to me. Some of it scared me, and some of it comforted me and reminded me that I wasn't alone. God was really listening to my needs this week, as always. Sometimes I just don't see it.
I do deal with the days when I wonder if God is really paying attention to me, considering all that is going on in the world: shootings, fires, unorganized and unstable government, wars. Why would God pay any attention to small, insignificant me? Well the fact of the matter is He does. He cares about me just as much as the rest of the world including you. I read this Psalm today and is really gave me comfort and reminded me that God has everything under control. He provides and protects me and you everyday!
God's blessings and peace to you!
Kristen Anderson's book: Life, in Spite of Me
Psalm 27
Of David.
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked advance against me
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
4 One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
How I Am
Life has been full of blessings lately for which I am very glad. I was able to visit family in NE for Christmas (including my adorable 2 month old nephew Peter!) and I had a slow and relaxing break from school. Also, this week is Winterim at my school and I have been doing yoga and zumba all week. It's been great!
Tonight was a change though. To be honest, my mom and I were not very nice to each other this evening as we were running late for Epiphany church and those words between us set off a trigger in my brain and I began to feel down. It seems like this is when my "depression" ( I say that because I don't want to really call it that because I don't think it really is) kicks in. I felt stuck in that negative phase the rest of the night. Through church and most of Youth Group after that I didn't really feel like I was of the sound, mind. I am so sick of that abrupt emotional change. I don't expect it and it comes at the worst times. I was trying to prepare for church, to worship my God and I felt like I wasn't really mentally there at all. For that I feel really bad.
I realize that a lot of times when I get these downs, it's Satan attacking me. He didn't want me to prepare and be excited to worship my God tonight. Satan wants me, really all of us as far away from our Savior as possible and will do anything he can to accomplish that. We can't let him into our minds. What I didn't do tonight was order Satan away from me in the name of God. When Satan tries and attack you, you tell him off by saying that you are a child of God and that he has NO power over you. When you say Jesus' name, Satan has to go away. God is the only one who can defeat him.
So next time I will speak out against Satan because I am a child of God. I belong to Him and deserve my joy in Him!
Your Sister in Christ,
Melody :)
Tonight was a change though. To be honest, my mom and I were not very nice to each other this evening as we were running late for Epiphany church and those words between us set off a trigger in my brain and I began to feel down. It seems like this is when my "depression" ( I say that because I don't want to really call it that because I don't think it really is) kicks in. I felt stuck in that negative phase the rest of the night. Through church and most of Youth Group after that I didn't really feel like I was of the sound, mind. I am so sick of that abrupt emotional change. I don't expect it and it comes at the worst times. I was trying to prepare for church, to worship my God and I felt like I wasn't really mentally there at all. For that I feel really bad.
I realize that a lot of times when I get these downs, it's Satan attacking me. He didn't want me to prepare and be excited to worship my God tonight. Satan wants me, really all of us as far away from our Savior as possible and will do anything he can to accomplish that. We can't let him into our minds. What I didn't do tonight was order Satan away from me in the name of God. When Satan tries and attack you, you tell him off by saying that you are a child of God and that he has NO power over you. When you say Jesus' name, Satan has to go away. God is the only one who can defeat him.
So next time I will speak out against Satan because I am a child of God. I belong to Him and deserve my joy in Him!
Your Sister in Christ,
Melody :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Choose Joy
How do you usually feel in a day? Happy, grateful, or joyful? Negative, snobby, crabby, or mad? I feel a lot of those emotions, but all in one day. There are days when I just feel like talking to no one for no reason at all. When I choose to act that way, I become very negative and I'm not very nice to my friends. I am stuck in that mood all day. Is there no way I can become happy again but until the next day? The truth is we all have the choice to choose how we will act and behave everyday.
One thing that I do when I feel down or negative is write "CHOOSE JOY" on my wrist. This way I am reminded every time I look down, that I have the choice to be joyful, thankful and bright. I can be joyful and not fake the happiness part. I can be honest and say that I am not always happy. Happiness is a temporary feeling. Joyfulness is a perspective and an attitude, so it's something that you can BE.
As children of God we have SO much to be joyful for. God has put us here on earth. He wants you. He came up with the idea of YOU. You are an original of God's mind. You came from God's thoughts. You are beautiful. You deserve to be joyful! Your sins have been thrown so far that not even God remembers them. You are loved by the God of the universe that He gave His only Son to have YOU with Him in heaven if only you take Him into your heart as your true Savoir.
Choose Joy today and always. You deserve it!
Blessings to you!
Melody :)
One thing that I do when I feel down or negative is write "CHOOSE JOY" on my wrist. This way I am reminded every time I look down, that I have the choice to be joyful, thankful and bright. I can be joyful and not fake the happiness part. I can be honest and say that I am not always happy. Happiness is a temporary feeling. Joyfulness is a perspective and an attitude, so it's something that you can BE.
As children of God we have SO much to be joyful for. God has put us here on earth. He wants you. He came up with the idea of YOU. You are an original of God's mind. You came from God's thoughts. You are beautiful. You deserve to be joyful! Your sins have been thrown so far that not even God remembers them. You are loved by the God of the universe that He gave His only Son to have YOU with Him in heaven if only you take Him into your heart as your true Savoir.
Choose Joy today and always. You deserve it!
Blessings to you!
Melody :)
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Contentment with One Thing
You can't seem to find contentment now a days. It's so hard with all the stuff you can get. The world tells us that what we have is never enough. We need to get more and better things. THEN we will be happy.
Well that's one of the biggest lies we hear today. Some of the wealthiest people I know have the crappiest lives. A marriage is falling apart, troubled kids, and the biggest problem: no faith. They are losing out on the One thing that can fill that empty space in their hearts. The reason those earthly things don't fill that void is because it's shaped like a cross.
Jesus is ALL we need. If we are living on the street, but have Him, we are the richest of all. We have the promise of eternal life with Christ. Believing in Christ doesn't mean life is going to be easy. In fact it's going to be very hard. In the world today Christians are getting attacked more and more every day. Jesus tells us that because of Him we will be hated and scorned more: "You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved." Matthew 10:22.
Being a Christian doesn't fit into the world. But we need to look to the promise that God made to us in the beginning, and be content with His Son: Jesus Christ!
Thanks for over 1,000 views!
Melody :)
Well that's one of the biggest lies we hear today. Some of the wealthiest people I know have the crappiest lives. A marriage is falling apart, troubled kids, and the biggest problem: no faith. They are losing out on the One thing that can fill that empty space in their hearts. The reason those earthly things don't fill that void is because it's shaped like a cross.
Jesus is ALL we need. If we are living on the street, but have Him, we are the richest of all. We have the promise of eternal life with Christ. Believing in Christ doesn't mean life is going to be easy. In fact it's going to be very hard. In the world today Christians are getting attacked more and more every day. Jesus tells us that because of Him we will be hated and scorned more: "You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved." Matthew 10:22.
Being a Christian doesn't fit into the world. But we need to look to the promise that God made to us in the beginning, and be content with His Son: Jesus Christ!
Thanks for over 1,000 views!
Melody :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)